The joys of being grandpa
17/05/16 04:23
Somewhere in the back of my mind are the remnants of articles that I once read about the evolutionary advantages of grandparent/grandchild relationships. I can’t recall with any scientific accuracy the details of the articles, but the basic concept is that part of our nature as humans is to form strong bonds not only with our immediate offspring, but with our grandchildren as well. Children play their part in this multi-generational process by coming into this world in such cute and lovable packages. Their survival is dependent upon the nurture of adults and they do their part by sparking the best feelings and urges to nurture in the adults who meet them. Adults have specific physiological responses to children, among them the release of certain hormones that bring out qualities such as self-sacrifice, empathy, compassion, and satisfaction from care of another person. Through this relationship, the things required for children to thrive are encouraged.
This certainly seems to be the case for me when I am around young children. There is a deep joy and pleasure that comes from taking care of them. There is a fierce protectiveness that makes me want to do everything in my power to give those children every advantage in the world. And I experience all of these sensations in a kind of exaggerated way when I am with our grandchildren. I have been passionately in love with these little ones since before I met them face to face and when we are together I feel the emotions that I felt as a father of young children. However, there is something about being a grandparent that allows me to focus on those emotions with fewer distractions. When our children were little, I had to balance my relationship with them with the need to earn a living, establish a career, and make my place in the world. When I am with my grandchildren, concerns for career seem to fade and doing whatever is needed for the benefit of the child comes to the front of my consciousness.
We are fortunate that our grandchildren have loving and caring and competent parents whose actions are inspiring to us. We have been spared the conflict that can arise in families when there are differences in priorities. I truly admire the parenting skills of our son and daughter-in-law. They get along fine without us. When we are in our home and they are in theirs more than a thousand miles away, they are competent to care for their children’s every need. It isn’t that the survival of our grandchildren, or their nurture and education is dependent upon this relationship. Still, when we are together I feel that powerful natural attraction that has been part of the teamwork of nurturing children from the earlier times of humans on this planet.
It has always taken a team to raise children. In my profession, I get to witness some superb examples of single parenting and I have deep admiration for those who, through circumstances of life are left with a larger than usual job when it comes to raising children. Still, I know that no one person can provide everything that is needed for a child to thrive. Single parents rely on networks of family, friends, teachers, mentors and other relationships to raise their children.
When my wife and I are caring for our grandchildren we fall into a very natural pattern of trading off chores. One can prepare meals while the other plays with the children. One can do laundry while another assists with bath time. One can read stories while the other does the dishes. When the parents are home from work or other outside of the house obligations, the teamwork allows for opportunities for significant adult-to-adult conversation in the midst of family life. We haven’t had to do much negotiating about roles and expectations, we seem to have fallen into this pattern very naturally. Of course it is for a relatively short amount of time. We are on vacation and soon will be returning to our home and regular lives and our son and daughter-in-law will resume the great teamwork that has allowed them to build their family. I remain, however, amazed at how easy it is to shift into our roles as grandparents whenever we are with our children and grandchildren. I once commented to my wife, “It is as if I was meant to be a grandpa.”
Perhaps that is literally true. Our species has evolved family systems to nurture children as a way of passing on our genetic code to future generations. Those with the best ability to nurture have the best survival rates of their offspring. A strong partnership between parents and grandparents provides the context for healthy and happy children who grow into their roles as parents and grandparents.
Even though I am always a bit of a philosopher, I don’t want to over analyze this. I simply want to revel in the joy of the relationship. It gives me deep pleasure to get down on the floor and play games with my grandchildren. I find deep meaning in watching them learn and grow. I am amazed and delighted by their intelligence and capacity for learning. I love to listen to their ideas and pay attention to the patterns of their thoughts. I am inspired by their energy and passion for living. Being with our grandchildren restores my soul.
In my life I have the great benefit of working in an institution where children are present. The preschool in our church currently has 84 children enrolled and will have a few more next year. I have the opportunity to observe 3- and 4-year-old children nearly every day. And I am given the trust to hold and bless the babies of our congregation and participate in their lives in the church. Although my role in our church’s church school program is limited, I get to focus on Vacation Bible School nearly every year.
There are some things about growing older that present unique challenges and difficulties. There are other things that offset struggle with deep joy. Being a grandfather is a source of the deepest joy available.
This certainly seems to be the case for me when I am around young children. There is a deep joy and pleasure that comes from taking care of them. There is a fierce protectiveness that makes me want to do everything in my power to give those children every advantage in the world. And I experience all of these sensations in a kind of exaggerated way when I am with our grandchildren. I have been passionately in love with these little ones since before I met them face to face and when we are together I feel the emotions that I felt as a father of young children. However, there is something about being a grandparent that allows me to focus on those emotions with fewer distractions. When our children were little, I had to balance my relationship with them with the need to earn a living, establish a career, and make my place in the world. When I am with my grandchildren, concerns for career seem to fade and doing whatever is needed for the benefit of the child comes to the front of my consciousness.
We are fortunate that our grandchildren have loving and caring and competent parents whose actions are inspiring to us. We have been spared the conflict that can arise in families when there are differences in priorities. I truly admire the parenting skills of our son and daughter-in-law. They get along fine without us. When we are in our home and they are in theirs more than a thousand miles away, they are competent to care for their children’s every need. It isn’t that the survival of our grandchildren, or their nurture and education is dependent upon this relationship. Still, when we are together I feel that powerful natural attraction that has been part of the teamwork of nurturing children from the earlier times of humans on this planet.
It has always taken a team to raise children. In my profession, I get to witness some superb examples of single parenting and I have deep admiration for those who, through circumstances of life are left with a larger than usual job when it comes to raising children. Still, I know that no one person can provide everything that is needed for a child to thrive. Single parents rely on networks of family, friends, teachers, mentors and other relationships to raise their children.
When my wife and I are caring for our grandchildren we fall into a very natural pattern of trading off chores. One can prepare meals while the other plays with the children. One can do laundry while another assists with bath time. One can read stories while the other does the dishes. When the parents are home from work or other outside of the house obligations, the teamwork allows for opportunities for significant adult-to-adult conversation in the midst of family life. We haven’t had to do much negotiating about roles and expectations, we seem to have fallen into this pattern very naturally. Of course it is for a relatively short amount of time. We are on vacation and soon will be returning to our home and regular lives and our son and daughter-in-law will resume the great teamwork that has allowed them to build their family. I remain, however, amazed at how easy it is to shift into our roles as grandparents whenever we are with our children and grandchildren. I once commented to my wife, “It is as if I was meant to be a grandpa.”
Perhaps that is literally true. Our species has evolved family systems to nurture children as a way of passing on our genetic code to future generations. Those with the best ability to nurture have the best survival rates of their offspring. A strong partnership between parents and grandparents provides the context for healthy and happy children who grow into their roles as parents and grandparents.
Even though I am always a bit of a philosopher, I don’t want to over analyze this. I simply want to revel in the joy of the relationship. It gives me deep pleasure to get down on the floor and play games with my grandchildren. I find deep meaning in watching them learn and grow. I am amazed and delighted by their intelligence and capacity for learning. I love to listen to their ideas and pay attention to the patterns of their thoughts. I am inspired by their energy and passion for living. Being with our grandchildren restores my soul.
In my life I have the great benefit of working in an institution where children are present. The preschool in our church currently has 84 children enrolled and will have a few more next year. I have the opportunity to observe 3- and 4-year-old children nearly every day. And I am given the trust to hold and bless the babies of our congregation and participate in their lives in the church. Although my role in our church’s church school program is limited, I get to focus on Vacation Bible School nearly every year.
There are some things about growing older that present unique challenges and difficulties. There are other things that offset struggle with deep joy. Being a grandfather is a source of the deepest joy available.